Does not suffice?

Today has been such a disappointing day for me. I don’t usually shed a tear for my heart is made up of Alaskan ice but today’s unexpected alleged remark  just broke me; to know that I’m incapable of being a good employee after a year and 8 months of work, how do you think that would make me feel?

What’s worst, the word ‘slow’ hit me hard because I was aware of my speed at work and all this while I tried to be this efficient employee; tried to provide with the best customer service to people but apparently it does not suffice. Upon knowing such degrading remarks, I was thinking immensely and was aware even before this that I wasn’t doing well and I wasn’t executing my tasks to the stipulated desired level. And to have someone I not only respect but tried to satisfy his demands and expectations say that about me made me feel incompetent to the extent of being demoralized.

I then pondered if I should be proving myself and my capabilities or should I rebel and not care about anything anymore. Because if do the former, I’d be accepting the fact that I’m not good enough and I’m my work ethics are reflective of what was said by this person. (And if I don’t, I’d succumb to my ego self)

But if I do the latter, then I’d just be another immature individual. I had these thoughts running through my mind the whole morning today. It was horrible.

I would be such a coward to just let go of all of my responsibilities after working so hard to maintain my job scope but to have that knowledge stuck onto me like moss on a paved road prevents me from thinking positive.

I really do not want my alleged actions here to reflect my working ethics at the real workplace. Right now, I don’t like myself. And I certainly don’t feel that I’m being defined of who I really want to be or am capable of being. Still, I do not know what’s out there at the real world for me.

I need to find a similar source of motivation from before to get back on track because only a few months ago do I feel less enthused to head to work.




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