It’s happening again

I write to express,
I sketch to suppress,
then I come back to reality
having to live it again once more.

sketch 12

I thought, I really thought that last week I was going to get better. I felt better for about 4 consecutive days and it’s been a long time since I actually felt good about myself for that long of a period of time. You know that feeling, you don’t have to wear the best clothes, you don’t have to have a well-sculptured hair-do, you didn’t necessarily lost weight. You just know for a fact that everything around you is well.

All it took was one comment to bring me back to where I was. And I hate that about me; I take things too seriously. It wasn’t a derogatory comment against me (although that too could bring me back to where I was) but it was a comment that made me think. I hate it when I think too much, it just leads to greater possible reasons to why I’m not worthy enough for anyone to talk to or like me. I guess this is what happens when you are too close to someone and you happened to like that person really much and you feel guilty because you know it’s wrong.

But believe me, if I were to follow my desires I’d continue communicating and do what others would do if they like a particular person. When the person’s there and I’m free, I love the company we have and everything’s all right. But right now, I’m thinking from a realist’s point of view. I do this when my thoughts are all muddled up.

 

I need help.

Until next time

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