Thoughts leading to nowhere

“I don’t feel so good today. It’s as if my soul wanted to leave me”


I’m not feeling so good today. There wasn’t anything specific that happened today that could have contributed to what I’m feeling right now. In fact, today was a great one; I went out with my sister and she bought me a cold pressed water color paper. But as of now, I feel like there’s something wrong — that feeling when you feel like the world’s not rotating up to its speed; the temperature’s not right; the water’s too tepid; you’re breathing harder than usual; you think of all sorts of things.

It’s not sadness really. I just feel like I’m not a part of this world. And in some instances that feeling could be great and I’d want to stay in that place forever but this time it’s different. Maybe I do not want to be aware of myself to live. I don’t know. I hate it when I’m thinking too much again. A good friend of mine has been helping me a lot but he does not know that. Well, that’s what I’m thinking. Usually, I’ll just replay the advice he gave me and implement it.

I guess I get comfort from it. Have you ever felt that really calming feeling when someone is just by your side and is helping you? Let’s say it’s a teacher going through a problem sum beside you and helps me make sense of the problem. Let’s say it’s a friend who’s just sitting right beside you and talk about random things or having those “Remember when … ” moments. I’ve always loved these kind of moments.

Did I mention that my hair was short now? I probably did. Never knew how short hair could make me look so refreshed. And I know that what I’m feeling now is not because of how I think I look like. In fact, I feel great about it. It is comforting isn’t it, to know that you are looking good on a particular day? My skin is also clearing up now. Maybe it’s my change in diet (I’m cutting down on my junk food) or the fact that I’m changing my pillow cover every week or the fact that I’m drinking more green tea with honey.

I don’t know.


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