I am afraid of/that …

So last Friday I did this self-help activity and I want to share it with you guys. I can say without stammering that I have problems — Everyone does but it’s just how you see it. I’m one being that has taken in too much negative energy around me and myself that I’m about to self-destruct. Fear has taken over my life and it’s creeping all over me.

I believe that taking out all of the negative energy can be very helpful. If I hadn’t been writing or sketching with all of my emotions, I could have ended my life 3 years ago. That, I’ll put a stamp on.

I wrote down all the things I’m afraid of and the first 2 points I wrote were about pleasing people. It just goes to show how I want to make everything right for everyone — in the image of what’s right to them. From pleasing people, I went down to the material things in life and I went way deep into my identity.

The 3 most scariest things I wrote were:

“I am afraid of  dying …(too dark to write here)”
“I am afraid that I will be unattractive to people’s eyes”
” I am afraid that I will never accept my identity and will live a life of regret”

It was a draining half and hour experience for me but here’s the turning point: to rewrite all the points and reject all the negative worlds and phrases like “I am afraid of …” or “not”.

So from “I am afraid of failure” I rewrote it to “I will find success in life”

You see, it’s always easy to find fault and the imperfections in life and not the positive things. So by denying all the self-doubt in those sentences, one’s able to be focused and work on the things they are having problems with.

So try this exercise out. I know there are some skeptics out there who finds this weird but it’s all right. A close friend of mine asked what I was doing and I told him about this reflection I was doing and he gave me a look of puzzlement. At the end of the day, no one else is doing the healing except for you. So, I’ve made my first step and I’m proud of it.



Another tin soldier lost

I’ve been wanting to dedicate this post to full-time National Serviceman Allahyarham Muhammad Fahrurrazi Salim (Lance Corporal) who died in Brunie during his overseas exercise.

The night I watched the news (below) I broke into tears.

I do understand how it would feel to have lost a loved one and especially when the tragedy happened only days before Hari Raya. But I could never empathize the pain his parents are feeling right now. Only 20 years of age, the best days of anyone’s life and he is taken away from this world. And to see his father breaking down and broken beyond repair, that just hit me right there — So much love for his son, so much promises for his future after 20 years of nurturing.

It made me think how short life is and how instant a life can be taken away. And while this thought has been constantly ringing in my head, it’s hard to change our perception on life and that’s it’s both something to treasure and fear at the same time.

And while it’s common to hear that we have to accept death and it’s something we cannot deny, it’s always painful to hear such news. My deepest condolences to Muhammad Fahrurrazi Salim’s family. Rest in peace.


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