Losing yourself in growth

“I didn’t know who I was standing on top of until I realized that person was me”


You pledge to always improve yourself; to grow into a more successful person that you forgot the person you were before. After being in Junior College did I decide to not lose myself in all these attempts to climb up the career ladder. It’s hard to balance your own identity and the hunger to succeed. And while some people see no reason to look back at our past, I see the past as the present and that who we were before have helped us in some way and we owe it to ‘them’.

I didn’t want to be a part of that boring academia all my life. Creativity fills me and I want to bring that part into my University life. I don’t know how but I want to be free, expressive and as cliched as this sounds, be myself. Maybe my shy nature has prevented me from letting people know who I really am. But then again once I do that, I might be afraid that people will not like what they see. I’ve been building this wall around me and it’s hurting me for it’s fear that I’ve cemented the bricks together with.

A confused teenager becomes of me while I try to push away the fears that I have reared all my life. What does it take to remove them from my system?

If only there’s a better way.


We are the past

past and present

I have recently been obsessed with the creative process of a fashion show and how there’s a story behind every show. Just like art, it’s an excuse to make a statement and be heard; issues from prostitution to environmental awareness. Since freedom of speech here has its own limitations and restrictions, the closest we have is freedom of expression.

I watched her latest womenswear collection for Spring/Summer 2013 and it was as usual, amazing. There’s a combination of the retro and modern with a slight urban twist to it which Westwood does so well. So fashion aside, it’s not a Vivienne Westwood show without a political motive. This season She ended off her show with a banner stating, “Climate Revolution”

“Buy Less, Choose Less, Make it last”; She encourages people to consume less. A simple yet important advice for our carbon footprint given from a legendary fashion designer.

Her collection of reliving the past is reflective of her philosophy in life and also in her creations. From an interview during Spring/Summer 2011, she said that she tried ‘to engage with the world’.

“Mostly people don’t. They just consume and suck it up and I try to put something back in because that way you get something back. And I’m talking about culture; going to art galleries, read, all these things. Because the 20th Century, the whole modern world, the idea is that the past is something for the dustbin. You can’t have the present or the future without the past. And we’re very frail because we’ve lost touch of who we are. We are the past and we need to know that and I don’t know, if I’ve got new ideas, that’s where they come from.”

What a true visionary and a genius this fine lady is. A limitless pool of inspiration from the art, culture and history.

On the flip side, that is the answer to our problems and politicians are often going back to the past to correct the present. If we are able to notice the problems of the past and not be ignorant about it, there will be hope to progress.

A moment in time

If you could go back in time to witness something (no meddling with time though) that happened in the past, anywhere in the world, what would it be?

It’s hard isn’t it?

You might want to visit the Wright Brothers and the invention of airplanes. Since this was the most important inventions that proved the old adage of “Humans cannot fly” wrong, I see no reason anyone would want to witness their success to fly.

I’ve asked around (at home) on that one moment in time they would want to witness and experience. And here’s what I got.

My sister would love to revisit the 4-0 score Singapore won against Pahang in the 1994 Malaysia Cup Competition. It’s this momentous time for her among the tens of thousands of people spectating the then key Singapore players like Fandi Ahmad and Malek Awab  winning the Malaysian Cup for Singapore. Couple it with the legendary Kallang roar (which was at it’s peak back then), it’s no wonder she wants to revisit that night.

As for my mother, when I asked her the same question, she immediately replied with a smile, “When I dated your father”. I’m not lying, that’s one of the greatest answers. I had goosebumps all over when she said that. It was so touching and I could never understand that kind of love.

As for me, there are many places of different times I would want to witness. So many life changing events that I would otherwise witness due to my age. The ‘Youthquake’ in Britain for example; a time of youth culture and modernism. It’s basically the blossoming of the freedom of expression, love and creativity.

I’ve been in search of freedom of any form. And maybe this is why I choose to witness such times. It is these parades or marches after some kind of traumatic events like the Stonewall Riots (1969) that I want to be in; to empathize and understand why they march.

How about you?

Second day of Raya (The family post)

❤ to one of my favourite aunts

We’ve survived the first day of Raya; full on humidity, sweat and let’s not forget the sweetness of the delicacies. And it’s time for the second day of Raya. I’ve always enjoyed every second day of Raya because it’s more toned down. It’s less rushed and there’s nothing much to worry about — same goes to the subsequent days.

See that lady right there (above), that’s our guest for today, our featured guest. She would be my first ever guest to appear on my wall of inspiration other than my siblings and I’d be wishing for more. She’s one of my favourite aunts (I love all of them really) and it’s such a blessing to see her every year.

Until next time.

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