Losing yourself in growth

“I didn’t know who I was standing on top of until I realized that person was me”


You pledge to always improve yourself; to grow into a more successful person that you forgot the person you were before. After being in Junior College did I decide to not lose myself in all these attempts to climb up the career ladder. It’s hard to balance your own identity and the hunger to succeed. And while some people see no reason to look back at our past, I see the past as the present and that who we were before have helped us in some way and we owe it to ‘them’.

I didn’t want to be a part of that boring academia all my life. Creativity fills me and I want to bring that part into my University life. I don’t know how but I want to be free, expressive and as cliched as this sounds, be myself. Maybe my shy nature has prevented me from letting people know who I really am. But then again once I do that, I might be afraid that people will not like what they see. I’ve been building this wall around me and it’s hurting me for it’s fear that I’ve cemented the bricks together with.

A confused teenager becomes of me while I try to push away the fears that I have reared all my life. What does it take to remove them from my system?

If only there’s a better way.


The anonymous man

blindedI wanted to post something in my blog today so I sketched this anonymous person who is blinded by his past, facing issues of locating self-identity in the personal struggle to understand his past. He becomes desperate and the complexity nature of a sexual relationship between a man and a woman is not making things easier.

He finds ways to satisfy his needs and remain anonymous during the short term sexual relationship. Even an introduction of himself becomes uncertain to him; revealing his other bodily parts and leaving out his identity and being self-conscious of his genetalia.

What shall become of his future? We have no future without looking back at the past regardless of the turmoil one has faced.

We are the past

past and present

I have recently been obsessed with the creative process of a fashion show and how there’s a story behind every show. Just like art, it’s an excuse to make a statement and be heard; issues from prostitution to environmental awareness. Since freedom of speech here has its own limitations and restrictions, the closest we have is freedom of expression.

I watched her latest womenswear collection for Spring/Summer 2013 and it was as usual, amazing. There’s a combination of the retro and modern with a slight urban twist to it which Westwood does so well. So fashion aside, it’s not a Vivienne Westwood show without a political motive. This season She ended off her show with a banner stating, “Climate Revolution”

“Buy Less, Choose Less, Make it last”; She encourages people to consume less. A simple yet important advice for our carbon footprint given from a legendary fashion designer.

Her collection of reliving the past is reflective of her philosophy in life and also in her creations. From an interview during Spring/Summer 2011, she said that she tried ‘to engage with the world’.

“Mostly people don’t. They just consume and suck it up and I try to put something back in because that way you get something back. And I’m talking about culture; going to art galleries, read, all these things. Because the 20th Century, the whole modern world, the idea is that the past is something for the dustbin. You can’t have the present or the future without the past. And we’re very frail because we’ve lost touch of who we are. We are the past and we need to know that and I don’t know, if I’ve got new ideas, that’s where they come from.”

What a true visionary and a genius this fine lady is. A limitless pool of inspiration from the art, culture and history.

On the flip side, that is the answer to our problems and politicians are often going back to the past to correct the present. If we are able to notice the problems of the past and not be ignorant about it, there will be hope to progress.

Sister’s Birthday :)

People know as the girl who is a carbon copy of me. I call her my lovable sister/best friend or when I’m naughty, The twin sister with a dwarf relation somewhere in our family tree.

So this year my birthday present to her wasn’t a surprise at all. Sometimes surprises don’t end up well and we have to pretend that we like it even when we don’t . This time, it’s not going to happen. I know what she wants (guitar) and it’s best if I tell her earlier so that she could choose the design.

And so we did. All I’m hoping for it that she’s really happy with the presents.

Happy 23rd birthday!!


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