“Daddy, I like this man”

“Daddy, I like this man”

IMG_4935

I must say, that one hit me hard. No one has ever said that to me before. So my niece said that. Young? Try 2 years old. Or maybe she’s 3. (Today was the third time I saw her, so it’s not like I had enough time to know the whole of my family tree)

I was just sitting on the couch and I saw her holding a plastic chicken drumstick. Of course I had to smile at this little lady. She looked at me and I looked back at her. That’s when she said it. Don’t ask me what she was thinking because I have no idea. I wasn’t looking at my best, so that’s not one of them. I definitely believe there’s no positive energy circulating around me for her to pick up from.

Call me melodramatic or an egoistic person but I was thinking of all the times I wanted people to like me. And that is something I have to get out of because I know very well that not all will accept me or like me. Even I don’t like myself and to have someone say that, it puts things in perspective on what I should really be thinking of.

I’m beginning to see the depressive trails now and I better stop. I hope all of you had a great weekend.

Until next time!!

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A talk about self-worth to mum.

A 30 second sketch to try out my water colour paint set. I need to get used to colour in my sketches.

sketch 22

So whenever I’m in my self-analysis mode, I’ll naturally fall into one of my bad moods. And I’ve mentioned this so many times of how sorry I am to have affected the mood of a current situation. I am aware that I’m some sort of a party pooper; I poop a whole lot of negative energy everywhere and it makes me feel so guilty all of the sudden which I shouldn’t be.

So the party pooper is besides the point. I went back home and I was already in the state where I’ve accepted the fact that I need some help with my self-esteem/self-worth problems. I’ve had enough of feeling so guilty for my own actions and I am done with all the mood swings. I saw my mum and had a thought of having a talk with her. I know; a talk about your personal problems to your own mother? That doesn’t not happen to Little Boy Blue.

But at that moment, it felt like I just need some motherly guidance or something. Also, I asked her that I needed counselling. I needed to get this issue of my inability to work around my emotions and my over-analysis of myself clear to my mother. The conversation we had didn’t really help much though. While she kept saying that there was nothing wrong with me, I couldn’t relay the point of me feeling so worthless to her because I don’t think she sees my issue beyond just being shy. Besides, she insisted that that was what all teenagers/young adults are going though. Maybe.

It was then that I ran a list of those I thought had the most┬áspontaneity, the most confident, the most emotionally stable and then there’s me. I see so many venues of comparison that it might hurt just doing that.

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